History part 2

Never allow someone to be your priority while you're just their option...

A friend posted that on Facebook today and it inspired me on where I wanted to go with the second installment in my history....RELATIONSHIPS

Rather than go in to each marriage individually lets just say that from the time I was 18 I was either married or in a relationship for all but 15 months and even during that time I was living with someone or seeing someone.  My first marriage lasted from Oct. 18, 1980 until Oct 16, 1989.  By December of 1989 I was involved with my second husband, we got married Oct. 31, 1990 and divorced on Oct. 29, 1994, are you starting to see a pattern here?  Oct. is not a good month relationship-wise for me.  By April of 1995 I was involved and living with number 3.  We got married Nov. 25, 1995 (note, we tried to avoid the curse of October marriages) and lasted until April 20, 2011.

The funny thing is that I always made my husband/boyfriend/partner my priority and every freaking time I was just an option.  For the first it seemed like everything but me was a priority.  Not that is was all bad by any stretch of the imagination.  In all my marriages we had lots of good times but there came a time when the bad very much outweighed the good.  To be honest my first husband was probably the best of the lot, as far as being responsible and providing for the family.  On the husband front...not so much.  Maybe I needed more than he could give?  I don't really know.

Husband number two was a joke (remember what I said about dysfunction drawing dysfunction?), he was a joke as a a husband, a partner, and as a human being in fact.  He was an abusive drunk that did more damage to my life than anyone but myself.  Husband number two is doing federal time now.  In spite of all that I still made him my priority in life and compromised and/or gave up many things that were important to me to keep him happy.  His priorities were screwing around with anything that would have him, drinking and kicking my ass.  Took me 5 years to figure it out (ok I confess when I make something a priority I don't like to give up on it).

I thought husband number 3 would be a keeper, but looking back I can see the same pattern, giving up what mattered to me and making him a priority.  He was good to me for the first 10 years.  We had many great times though, in fact now that we are no together we get along great and can be friends.  But after getting arrested for meth and both of us coming home after prison there was a different dynamic.  While I was in jail before sentencing he was out and discovered Internet porn and skanky women on the Internet that would do just about anything in front of a web cam.  He also got out of prison and was home for over 6 months before I got out and got home.  Same story, he would send naked pictures of himself to other women and establish web cam  sexual relationships with them.  I again became a disposable option.  After 6 years of repeatedly catching him doing that I had to do something because the arguments and fights and so on did not make a bit of difference he kept doing it. Leaving him was harder because of being on parole, but I did it anyway and my parole officer was cool with it and life went on.

So to sum this part all up.  I am tired of being an option, for now school and my plans for the future are my priority.  I know that even if as far as relationships go I am an option until something better comes along that as far as drive ambition and accomplishing goals I excel and can do and become whatever I set my mind to do.

And that is where I am at today.  For the next installment I am going to talk about some people that have more or less held my hand through my last divorce and huge life-changes.  I love them all and without them I don't think I could have survived it.