I have been having ups and downs adjusting to being alone. I am in the process of getting one of my dogs down here as a service dog. I was up in Kalispell for the last week with family and friends, and managed to get all her certifications and registration as a psychiatric service dog done so now I just need to finalize the paperwork down here at the University.
Sometimes life can be so frustrating. I know in my past I made huge colossal mistakes and now carry the label of a felon because of it. But what kills me is that because I carry that label EVERYTHING has to be 10 times harder to accomplish, to get to where I want to be I have to be better than everyone else that wants to do the same thing. I have to fight for every bit of ground I gain. Sometimes I get so goddamn tired of fighting all the time and just want to say eff it all and run, not walk away from it all. It is not that I want or expect life to be easy, but can't it just let up once in awhile? Does every little thing have to be a damn battle? GOD!!! I am so tired of it all right now. I so want to just give it all up and say screw everything and crawl in a hole and die. But I know if I do, some day some where there is going to be another person like me wanting to make a better life and will have all the same battles and bullshit to cope with all the time, so I have to keep going so that hopefully someday I will be in a position to change the stigma of being a felon.
Our criminal justice system needs to change, if not for me then for someone else in my shoes in the future. Yes I made a huge mistake, but is it really necessary to force me to pay for it for the rest of my damn life? If it is then life isn't really worth all that much in and of itself but only in how I can get past this to make changes so that someone elses life will have worth and value to society as a whole.
Hang in there Ter....we have all made mistakes in our lives, so you are not alone. I suppose the difference is, your errors involved the law, and so many of us eff up, but either didn't get caught or no law against it. You are an inspiration to any and all who you want in your life, so keep up the great work and you know you are loved by me. Love Mo and Diva Wiva and the rest of the BATTcaveD
ReplyDeleteHang in there love! Hopefully you can get little miss Weenie down there and she will do things that doesn't make sense to other people just wiener people and you will laugh :)I'm here for you!
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